Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
