My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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