Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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