All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
