you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
