He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
