her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How does one acquire holy water?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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