We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
