I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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