Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
