I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
