I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
