you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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