So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
