I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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