Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
