Yo dont text me then not text me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
