oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
