That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
