He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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