We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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