just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
