Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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