i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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