My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
