I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
