its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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