I just made out with a guy for $7.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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