i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
