We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
