I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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