My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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