i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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