Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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