so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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