so that wasnt chicken after all
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
