everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
