2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
