if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize