Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
