They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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