Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
