no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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