Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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