My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
