Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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