Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
