Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
