Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I smell like Dick and happiness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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