On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need a beard to bite.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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