Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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