She said her name was "party"
are you so shy because you have an std?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
