is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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