false alarm. still invincible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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