Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
