Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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