I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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