I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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