Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
