I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
