Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
