At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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