Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
