Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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