Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My bed smells like the plague
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
