Can i not drive my cunt home
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
