just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
