soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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