Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
