I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize