I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Randomize
