and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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