Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
