I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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